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This silly game we play
I fell into a trance
as my cohorts
sang and danced.
Reluctant to acknowledge
my own weakness at a glance.
Within my heart I feel
my pretentions, all too real.
I cannot judge another
I must let my mood congeal.
Let others live and love,
with their own unique appeal!
For all the worlds a podium
speaking only what
we desire to reveal.
A broken sort of game we play
on a playground so surreal!
Our honesty dismembered
because of whom we fear!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
These thoughts ran through my mind and I wondered how often I judged others by my own standards. Not allowing those around me to make their own appeal, freely to live and love. There are a lot of weak spots, but maybe you can help.
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Not Explicit Content
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South Ogden, Utah
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Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-05-25 07:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "This silly game we play" employs a variety of poetic devices to convey its themes. The use of metaphor, for example, is prominent in the lines "For all the worlds a podium / speaking only what / we desire to reveal." This metaphor effectively communicates the idea of life as a performance where individuals selectively present aspects of themselves.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of rhythm and meter. The irregular rhythm can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow of the reader's experience.
The poem's language is generally clear and accessible, but there are instances where the meaning could be clarified. For instance, in the line "I must let my mood congeal," the use of the word "congeal" is somewhat ambiguous. While it can be interpreted as the speaker's need to solidify or settle their emotions, it may be beneficial to use a word or phrase that more directly communicates this idea.
The poem's theme of authenticity and the societal pressures that can hinder it is a compelling one. The final line, "Our honesty dismembered / because of whom we fear!" effectively encapsulates this theme. However, the poem could further explore this idea by providing more specific examples or imagery related to this theme.
Overall, the poem has a strong thematic foundation and employs some effective poetic devices. With some adjustments to rhythm, clarity, and development of its central theme, it could be further strengthened.
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Lavender
Sun, 2024-05-26 21:25
This Silly Game We Play
Hello, Leslie,
Yes! It is a silly game! And we play it so often, it's like second nature. So much of it is, like your poem suggests, our own fear. Your poem is stated so simply and freely - I think that is part of its awareness and message. Not sure I'd change anything.
Thank you!
L