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To Defend The KIngdom
Consumed in this darkness surrounded by the rapscallion, a defence of my blessed faith, a covenant of devotion and loyalty until the very end
Praise our saviour and to the prophesy of our weaknesses, abide to our hearts desired fate, and renew in daily reverence to a love we so depend
Our congregation grows to one body and soul ne'er to scorn nor loneliness, the evil then devoured by the hatred of all men and to oblivion we so rightfully commend
The beggar is crowned in gods' purest blessings, divine forgiveness his good fortune lays in wait.... but reward then due to the evil blackhearts to exile and eternally condemned.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
Thank you so much for all and any that take the time to read these posts. We can only grow and develop better techniques with honest and robust critique.
Kind Regards to all
Izzi
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-05-04 06:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "To Defend The Kingdom" exhibits a strong command of language and a deep exploration of faith and morality. The use of archaic language, such as "rapscallion," "ne'er," and "commend," lends a historical or biblical tone to the piece, which is fitting given its religious themes.
The poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. For instance, the first line lacks punctuation, which can make it difficult for readers to follow the intended rhythm and phrasing. Adding commas or other punctuation where natural pauses occur could enhance the readability of the poem.
The poem's structure could also be more consistent. The first two lines are similar in length, but the third and fourth lines are significantly longer. If this discrepancy in line length is intentional, it might be helpful to make the purpose of this choice clearer to the reader.
The poem's themes of faith, devotion, and morality are clearly conveyed, but the piece could benefit from more specific imagery. For example, instead of stating that the "congregation grows to one body and soul," the poem could describe the physical sensation or visual image of this unity.
Lastly, the poem's message about good and evil could be more nuanced. The poem currently presents a binary view, with the "evil blackhearts" being "eternally condemned." Exploring the complexities and ambiguities of morality could add depth to the poem's themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Izzi Reinier
Sat, 2024-05-04 22:17
AI critique
i know you are only " Solder and Wires" [ tongue in cheek '.... re Computer based assessment ] but l really enjoy the engaging comments and general positively. One day in the future , I hope to have " more boxes' ticked...LOL
Regards
Izzi
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