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Chains
I always loved to be free,
Not to be chained by my thoughts and words.
But with this, some problems arise,
I'm inconsistent with my does and likes.
I can't build something 'cause I feel the need to change,
Boredom takes control of me.
I try to grasp my feelings,
But my passion slowly dies.
And I am left there with only failures in my arms,
Wondering,
Is this who I am?
A fire that shines bright for a month,
And after that, I need another compound?
Or I just lack discipline in my life?
I tried to fix things,
To stick with them even after the flame is long gone.
But I am just there,
Wishing I was gone.
And if I start to run,
I have to abandon what I built,
And again let things incomplete.I just need one hint,
To stop my answer squint,
And start my sprint,
To my inner olymp
For eternity to burn.
'Cause I fear being the one,
That lets things undone,
And at the end of life,
To be left left with projects I didn't arise.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Last few words:
Im not a native english speaker and i find it hard to make a poem that rhymes. What can i do about it?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-05-04 20:20
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Chains" effectively communicates a struggle with inconsistency and the fear of leaving projects unfinished. It uses personal introspection and questioning to engage the reader in the speaker's internal conflict. The use of imagery, such as "a fire that shines bright for a month," and "left there with only failures in my arms," adds depth to the poem and helps to convey the speaker's emotional state.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The rhythm is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it more difficult for the reader to follow. Consider revising the poem to establish a more consistent rhythm.
The rhyme scheme is also somewhat inconsistent. While not all poems need to have a strict rhyme scheme, having one can help to give the poem structure and make it more pleasing to the ear. If a rhyme scheme is not desired, consider using other sound devices, such as alliteration or assonance, to add a musical quality to the poem.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While the poem does use some imagery, much of it is abstract, which can make it difficult for the reader to fully engage with the poem. Consider using more concrete imagery to help the reader visualize the speaker's experiences and emotions.
Lastly, the poem's ending could be strengthened. The current ending leaves the reader with a sense of uncertainty, which may not be the desired effect. Consider revising the ending to leave the reader with a more definitive conclusion or resolution.
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