Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Johnny, Come Home...
He stands a little straighter,
throws his shoulders back.
"My Country Tis of Thee"
his face no longer slack.
Wounded in his mind,
he was left upon the field.
He never came home at all,
and he will never yield.
He spends his days still fighting,
for his God and country.
His wife looks after him,
she prays, "Please come back to me."
"One day, he may awake" she says,
"I'll get my Johnny back."
"We'll have our baby, build our house,
get our lives on track."
Thirty years have come and gone,
she has waited all this time.
She and he are still holding,
but their fruit withers on the vine.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Workshop:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
New York State - USA
Favorite Poets
Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-05-03 15:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Johnny, Come Home...", effectively conveys a poignant narrative about a soldier's struggle and his wife's enduring hope. However, there are some areas that could be improved to enhance the overall impact of the poem.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of meter. While some lines follow a clear rhythmic pattern, others do not, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For instance, the lines "He never came home at all," and "She and he are still holding," have different syllable counts and rhythmic structures compared to the rest of the poem. Adjusting these lines to match the established meter could improve the poem's rhythm and readability.
Secondly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. While the narrative is clear, the poem often tells the reader what is happening rather than showing it. For instance, instead of saying "Wounded in his mind," the poem could describe specific symptoms or behaviors that illustrate this mental wound. This would allow the reader to visualize the soldier's struggle more clearly and could make the poem more emotionally engaging.
Lastly, the poem's theme of enduring hope in the face of adversity is powerful, but could be developed further. The wife's hope is mentioned, but not deeply explored. Adding more about her feelings, thoughts, and actions could give the reader a deeper understanding of her character and make her hope more palpable.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively communicates a poignant narrative, improvements in meter, imagery, and thematic development could enhance its overall impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Michael Anthony
Fri, 2024-05-03 09:49
A very melancholy tribute to
A very melancholy tribute to a story that is, sadly, likely very common - thanks Geez!
Best
Michael Anthony
Geezer
Fri, 2024-05-03 09:58
I have had...
the opportunity to meet with many old soldiers and those that only came part way home. I guess all of them left something of themselves wherever they fought and killed. To a man, they praised the brotherhood of combat soldiers, but not a one of them bragged about how many they killed. They spoke of the friends and brothers they lost, but hardly ever about the up-close visions of death. Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentClentin
Mon, 2024-05-06 04:51
Thank you for a great poem.
Thank you for a great poem. As a veteran I well understand the emotions within this poem.
Geezer
Mon, 2024-05-06 09:06
Glad you..,.
made it back William. Thank you for your thanks, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentClentin
Mon, 2024-05-06 11:36
What is with the “William.”
What is with the “William.”
Geezer
Mon, 2024-05-06 11:41
Sorry...
Actually, I said to my wife that you looked like a butler named William, LoL Sorry, no disrespect just was in a jovial mood, and it slipped out. Hey, you can say that I look like a lizard. A friend of mine says that I look like a lizard on a rock in the Springtime sun. LoL
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author comment