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Army Men Memories

Submitted by paleoray on Sat, 2024-05-04 14:35

When I was young in my youthful years -
On days when the rain came to stay;
I’d pull out a bag of my army men,
And sort out the green from the gray.

Getting the blocks from the old toy chest,
I’d start to build thick fortress walls;
Then taking the tanks I would spread them all out,
While placing some jeeps in the halls.

Turrets stood up with majestic views,
As armies were laid on each side;
Marksmen were placed standing high and tall,
While all below stood up with pride.

When I had finished my battlefield,
I ran for some old rubber bands;
Then sitting on bed I would one by one
Shoot down all the men with my hands.

Over and over I’d set, then strike,
The men in my towers and shoes;
Cherishing childhood with sweet innocence,
Removed from the world with its blues.

Pleasures back then were a simpler thing,
Requiring no plug-ins or phone;
Board games and puzzles were then the big craze,
Which everyone played in their home.

Decades have passed but whenever it rains,
I now and then see green with tears;
Memories now of a sweet childhood past,
I’ll treasure in my grayer years.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
05/24 My Favorite Childhood Toy
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-05-04 20:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Army Men Memories" demonstrates a strong narrative structure, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. It effectively uses imagery and details to evoke a sense of nostalgia for childhood.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The rhythm and meter of the poem are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For instance, the line "Cherishing childhood with sweet innocence," has more syllables than the surrounding lines, which can be jarring.

The poem could also benefit from more varied language. The word "men" is used repeatedly, which can make the poem feel repetitive. Consider using synonyms or other descriptors to add variety and depth to the imagery.

Additionally, the poem's theme of nostalgia for a simpler time could be more effectively conveyed with the use of more specific and personal details. For example, instead of saying "Board games and puzzles were then the big craze," the poem could mention specific games or puzzles that were popular during the speaker's childhood.

Lastly, the poem's ending could be more impactful. The current ending, "I’ll treasure in my grayer years," is somewhat vague and doesn't provide a strong conclusion to the poem. Consider revising the ending to more directly tie back to the poem's main theme and provide a more satisfying conclusion for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Thu, 2024-05-16 14:13

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An amazing descriptive piece. Vivid imagery throughout.every line speaks volumes of everyday's
childhood memories "On days when the rain came to stay" and the closing lines add that poignant, bittersweet sense to the poem. Wonderful!
Thank you for sharing
And best wishes.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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paleoray

Thu, 2024-05-16 17:25

paleoray's picture

Thank you my friend for your very kind words. I’m glad that you enjoyed the poem.

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